My mother wanted to know why I can’t “look like a normal person”, aka the gender-presentation/trans equivalent of “I’m okay with gay people but do they have to rub it in our faces?”, aka “I’m okay with queer people as long as I never have to see them”.
The short answer is that the “normal person” is missing out by not looking like me, tbh. The long answer is this:
I am a freak, and I want to be a freak. I am hereby reclaiming the word transfreak to mean a trans person who is done trying to reassure The Cis by respectability policing hirself, and also done being policed by other trans people who try to Hide The Weird, and who hence may or may not look alarmingly Weird. I will henceforth aspire to be as much of a freak as possible, because that makes me happy.
People who are outside the binary are inherently freaky. Being unrecognisable as one of the binary options is freaky. It’s in the name! Gender non-conforming: not conforming to norms, i.e. weird. I look weird because none of the socially acceptable looks match my gender and how I personally want to present. So fuck socially acceptable, and embrace the weird. Do I want to wear a suit or a dress to prom? Sometimes it’s one or the other, but usually it’s neither, no thank you, nope, fuck that.
The socially acceptable mainstream is so tediously gendered. Dresses, shirts, heels, ties, everything either is or inevitably becomes gendered; mixing these cues into being ungendered is to be fringe and freaky. That’s why trans punk is a thing. Punk/emo/goth aesthetics are fringe and frequently ungendered. Piercings, boots, eye shadow, nail polish, undercuts etc. in many configurations are freaky and ungendered.
There is no alternative to the suit/dress binary that isn’t disturbing, because you disturb comfortably established norms. Those are your only two socially acceptable options, and so be it. I will not pick one because I am a freak. Maybe I will wear both, or something else entirely. I do plan on wearing a ridiculous amount of eyeshadow.
Maybe the mainstream will move into including us in some hypothetical post-gender future civilisation, I don’t know, but I don’t care. While I wait I certainly will not move myself into the mainstream. NOW I am a freak and I am going to own that, and we all need to stop trying to be less ourselves in order to be less freaky.
I can look “normal” but I don’t want to. I am done with both “presenting femme” and “presenting masc”. I opt out, and hereby resolve to do whatever the fuck I want regardless of how that results in me being read. I am a gender outlaw. A freak, because no longer will I worry about or bend for acceptability or respectability.
All trans people, especially the freaks, are MY people, and we are all incredibly beautiful.