Help I’m Gay


So my sexuality is “fluid grey ace *hand wave*”. I don’t really think about it super much, it varies from time to time and is probably somewhere on the ace spectrum but IDK TBH.

Recently I found myself with a crush on a girl in uni, which has never happened before. I have passing attraction to female friends, but not a crush, which got me thinking about stuff. I think that whichever gender I date it will be gay, but I have never really considered the logistics of falling in love with anyone other than a man. Some assorted thoughts:

Legally, if this hypothetical non-dude does not have a different gender marker than me, I will not qualify for a government flat. Getting married and applying for a flat has always been how I envisioned my life going, and what my parents expect to happen. Not having that firstly is a reminder of how much economic discrimination queer couples face, and secondly shakes up my plan.

I will also not be able to get legally married. That doesn’t mean I can’t still get married, and I would like that, I think. But would my relatives come to my wedding?? At the moment I don’t really see the need to come out to my extended family gender-wise, which has been fine. But if I have a non-male partner, I would have to come out about that, possibly only when I send out wedding announcements.

It’s all p annoying. Being genderqueer doesn’t mean that I get to (or want to*) date either binary gender with symmetrical ease, because dating the gender I was assigned at birth would read as “gay”, and that is much harder than the alternative which is normative. If I did change my gender marker, which I have 0 desire of doing, or even start to be read more as male, I would have the reverse problem. And then of course dating a non-binary person would also be uncharted waters, but our wedding will probably be fab af.

*: I find myself extremely repelled from the idea of dating a straight guy and being read/moving through the world as a straight couple, and feel like that’s not something I want, regardless of government benefits

In conclusion. This was an annoying thing to think about, but it is also nice to be able to have these concrete things that I think I will likely do: have a partner, settle down, buy an apartment. I might be overthinking all this, but well. I might not do any of these of course, but it is A path and it is nice to have at least one before me. I did not always have this, and the future was a frightening and impenetrable fog, which was much worse.

Help I’m Gay

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